FML

I was only kidding myself. Thinking coming here would solve anything. Unfortunately I have relapsed and once again find myself in debt. Somewhere around the point of 5 grand maybe more. I haven't received my October statement. Not that it matters as I went overboard for Halloween too. I am certain it has only jumped up an additional couple of hundred since then. It's not all bad though. No, not at all (note any sarcasm?). The first three months here living in denial and foolish notions were great until I realized any kind of significant change or attaining a quality of life comparable to what I had is hopeless. Honestly, my empty apartment, empty closest, empty social life. Dealings with men that are nothing but games and being strung along; hopes high and heads low. Even work is turbid. I've been striving for some sort of balance, some modicum of happiness therein. I just can't seem to get it right and really I am done with trying. Let my credit cards max out and then I will just file for bankruptcy. All these large corporations and everyone else have been receiving bailouts for their stupid mistakes worth millions, why the hell shouldn't I for a couple thousand? At least then I will have temporary moments of felicity.

How did this happen? Besides the trunk sales from fashion week, I went out to the unicorn with Katherine and a couple of her friends from her social circle. Even though it felt familiar, the setting, the women and conversation, I felt out of place. I looked great of course, was dressed in my labels which, of course they all recognized and appreciated. I of course recognized the same on them. The only difference was one of us was a lie. They invited me to come shopping with them the following day at Holts. Apparently it had just been renovated and they all love it. I told them I hadn't been yet and I guess that was unacceptable and outlandish to hear from me. So I agreed to go. Long story short, they were all shopping, buying, just like I used to with my ladies back home. I stumbled and was eaten alive by old demons. I've repeated this over and over for the last few weeks. Thrown all the good ( if there was any) I have done out the window. Whether it be at the shops on 17th, back at Holts or anywhere I was that anyone else was shopping. When I was with Cher, we would shop. When I was out with Katherine we would shop. With Jen shop.
I knew each time I signed what was going on. to say I didn't care would be a lie but

On Wednesday this week, I ran into Katherine again outside of "She apparel" on 17th. Almost quite literally ran into her, she was exiting and I wasn't looking. She realized I wasn't in the greatest of moods and demanded to know why, we went across to the Starbucks and sat down. I confessed my sins in a blubbering mess. My $30.00 Chanel mascara didn't run though. I felt like a fool, a child, a complete mess. A hot mess none the less. Katherine looked sympathetic and contemplative. Then she spoke,
" why don't you move in with me?" she asked. " Yes! that's what you will do, you will move in with me and pay little in rent, then you will come with me to a benefit event I was invited to this afternoon. It won't cost you anything."

I began to compose myself and started to shake my head forming a polite yet grateful resignation of her offer. Before I go much of it out Katherine cut me off

"Spare me your excuses and false pride, I am more or less responsible for getting you in this predicament, I can at least help you get out of it. You know I have the room and its just sitting there empty. So make arrangements with your landlord, hire some movers and just deal with it!"

I really didn't know what to say. I was shocked, a little humiliated to be accepting the help.
I didn't have to say anything Kath continued on, "So this benefit I was invited to, Just a bit ago when I was in "She" getting fitted for a few new items, I always see the same sales associate, usually call ahead to make sure she is in, but I digress. I was given a pair of tickets to the event as I am such a loyal client of hers. It's on the 20th at Hotel Arts. Its called...." she paused as she dug through her bag and retrieved the tickets "Open Your Purse, with funds raised going to the YWCA. Apparently there will be some gorgeous bags auctioned off and some hot men displaying them."

I really couldn't argue with that.