The FU in FUN

I worry these days that I have too much time on my hands, far to0 much time to think and overthink and create paradox out of nothing. Still without cable, missing my TMZ, Chelsea Lately, ANTM. Not that I am a big TV person, but its nice to have it in the background, you know, like a fill-in boyfriend. Sometimes it’s just nice to have the company. Alas I am still broke from well… everything. Being stupid more than anything I suppose. So no T.V. or social life for me.

Last Saturday, I was waiting for Derrick at a table outside Higher Grounds in Kensington, our second meeting for coffee since Global Fest. Yes, I gave in. He is cute and growing on me. Besides it’s still just having fun. Nothing serious I remind myself. Reading through this months vogue; once again a large heavy weight issue: “584 pages of Stylish Steals and Smart Splurges” See! Even Vogue supports my new lifestyle. Even though 524 of those pages in vogues world of what constitutes a ‘Stylish Steal’ were still beyond what I could afford. The joy of perusing through the beautifully executed, exquisite ads of fall 09 visions is one of the main reasons I subscribe. This issue in Anna’s letter from the editor she touched on something vaguely, it was probably as close to the idea of thriftiness she has ever touched, but none the less she is trying to show some sympathy for girls like me while at the same time defend an industry that can come under so much ridicule. “ Fashion is so often presented in the culture as a thing of froth, which , of course it partly is...Frivolity must have its foundations”

Her phrasing caused me to think over my coffee. Current times seem to dictate, fashion or shopping is one of the first things people will cut from their budget or sacrifice. Why? Is it because we overspend so? Well yes obviously. Also, we have spent so much time shopping frivolously without that foundation. We will spend time and money in a mall but shake it off as a chore instead of looking at it as an experience to be enjoyed. Now with our purse strings tightened do we realize what we have taken for granted. Further more, here comes the paradox, Is it fair that I hold myself to irrational standards of the past, based on a name or label? Even if I don’t how do I sacrifice without actually sacrificing? Whether I spend 20, 200, or 2000 during an excursion can shopping still be an experience without experiencing the bank balance at the end of the day?

Tuning back into reality and pulling my wits about me, unsure if I had been gazing into the ether for the last 10 seconds or ten minutes Derrick showed up. I turned slightly out from the table, pulled a Sharon Stone leg cross in my BCBG peasant dress and Grey Suede ankle boots (40.00 bucks from my last shopping trip.) With the sun coming out from the clouds I reach across and grab my channel sunglasses. He sits and I analyze him head to toe behind the privacy of my glasses: Shoes: good, Watch: nice, hair: well coiffed. Then he pulled a trump card. Last time we met for drinks at the metropolitan grill we were talking about our week, I mentioned to him that me and the girls had gone shopping at Deerfoot Mall. “Isn’t that kind of a ghetto mall?” Was his response. Well to make a long story short, I was a little insulted that the term ‘ghetto’ be applied to somewhere I shopped. I went a bit on the defensive and pointed out all the reasons why it wasn’t ghetto, how I don’t have to leave the city, that it’s certainly not the same mall his mom used to shop at, as he had mentioned, but I digress. So after coming back from getting himself a coffee, Derrick sat down and played his trump card: He handed me a little white envelope with a gift card to Deerfoot Mall inside. We both laughed. It was thoughtful and definatly won him some brownie points. Damn. You know what this means don’t you? I’ve lost the upper hand. What occurred this past week is the exact reason I hate losing the upper hand.

So That was our second ‘date’ for lack of a better word, our second fantastic ‘date’ mind you. The following day I left him a voicemail to see if he wanted to join me at the mall to help use my gift card. I ended up going alone, never heard from Derrick at all one way or the other that day, or the next or the next. It wasn’t until Wednesday at work that I finally received a e-mail from him. He made no mention of the voicemail, no apology for not getting back to me or anything. Just business as usual. I let it slide and replied to his email on Thursday inquiring to his plans for the weekend. That was Thursday. Now once again I am at Higher Grounds on a Sunday. However, this time not waiting for anyone. Hmmmm lets see two great dates and two ignored attempts at communication- GAME-! So about twenty minutes ago, after rolling the subject around my brain and getting a little annoyed about it, I texted (yes texted) “Okay I get the hint good luck with things.” Immediately I get a response! “Hey I just got home. You’re so dramatic!” at first I was insulted by the comment. I’m sorry if expecting a response from someone is dramatic but I think it’s the decent thing to do when someone tries to contact you. Now I wonder, was I really being dramatic? Was I just over reacting? If all we were doing is having fun with no expectations then what with all this guilt? Maybe I was wrong and just took the fun out of it. At record speed I might add. Do girls really just want to have fun? Rubbish! Well either way, what now?

XO Rachel