Fall 09: Season For Fools
A couple weeks have passed since my confounding incident with Derrick.. Since that time things have been anything but usual in that area. Before I touch on that though, I would like to go over just a couple things:
Starting with the VMA’s, I know, it’s old news now but I am not going to even touch the Kanye West and Taylor Swift issue. Instead, I would like to talk about Shakira and Pink who wound up in the same dress on the red carpet! Some one’s stylist is getting F-I-R-E-D. Speaking of same outfits, this next point really gets to me; Anna Wintour was caught wearing the same outfit twice on two separate occasions within the same month. (information courtesy of Perez) That’s four public appearances and only two outfits! Don’t get me wrong, for the every day woman that’s normal, that’s fine. Anna Wintour however, is not the everyday woman. I mean honestly she must have a closet in every single city she lands in. Some critics may say “well maybe her luggage was lost or delayed” to which I reply, do you honestly believe she flies commercial airlines and even if that was a possibility, she could walk into any boutique and have anything she wanted thrown at her feet as brown nosing sales staff fan her with palm leaves and hand feed her grapes. So Ms. Wintour, please be advised I do not wish to be encouraged by your attempt to relate to the modern day recessionista, nor do I appreciate your lack of effort to maintain the standards that you yourself made. Honestly I just bought my tickets to Alberta Fashion Week and I already have a tentative outfit planned out for each different show and possibly a change of outfit for the after parties. I can also Guarantee you I won’t be wearing any of those outfits to ARTwear at the AGC. Just incase, you never know who you will see again at another event. So If I can manage that then really….
I imagine myself scolding her like a puppy who got into the garbage ‘BAD! BAD Anna Wintour! You don’t do that!NnnnnnoO’
I’ve spent a lot of my personal alone time (which there has been an abundance of) going between blogs and sites like calgary-fashion.blogspot.com, Thebudgetfashionista.com, style.com, thebagblog.com (Really any site that would trigger me into a vicious shame cycle.) In my online window shopping I caught my first glances of Jimmy Choo for H&M. *Scream* This amazing collaboration will be in stores November 14th comprising of a full range of shoes, bags and accessories. They all look as you would imagine, like sex on 3 inch sticks. I decided to do some comparative research after wiping the drool. Christian Siriano (project runway winner) is teaming up with Payless Shoes for his own line as well due out in fall. Just as alluring but on the other side of the spectrum. Where Choo offers a more mainstream kind of sex, Siriano goes for his taboo, edgy “rough sex” on a 3 inch stick if you will. Both fantastic, affordable lines from well known, high end designers. Definitely something to look forward to.
One blog I read through, I can’t recall which one exactly but it had such an adorable idea. Hanging or framing your dresses around the house and your bedroom as installations or works of art. Again it was just adorable, very English summer home/ dollhouse. Why not do it though? We spend enough on gowns for weddings, Christmas events etc and afterwards they just end up taking room in the closet only because we can’t bare to part with them. I have always imagined myself one day when I am old, you would enter my french doors into my large 15 ft ceiling, marble floored, circular shaped foyer, shoes on top of pedestals, lined up along the curved walls, one to a window to illuminate them. All faced inwards towards my grand staircase where I could make my entrance to greet my guests. Ya it’s a bit of cheese but I have professed my love of old style glamour before.
I have been so online oriented lately as a distraction, I have been really really good lately, on my best behaviour. Dotting my t’s and crossing my I’s. More or less. I have had to make excuse after excuse to the girls as to why I am staying home on a Friday, then again on a Saturday. Budget has played a big part in my recluse ways but the other part has been Derrick. I will go over this quickly and possible in point form as I do not wish to give the situation much more thought or drama as has already been created.
So first off I gave in, conceding to the fact that I probably did over react, we continued to see each other on a non official basis for about a week, things were great, fun, attracting, showing potential. More so than I had originally thought or intended but I rolled with it. then all of a sudden I get this email: ‘ I need a big favor from you, and I hope you understand. Would it be ok if we took a 'time out' with us? I know that sucks and all but I need to figure some stuff out. It’s kinda crappy but before you I had three really shitty things happen with three different women’ he then continued, ‘You're awesome and this has zero to do with you and you've already put up with a bunch of my flakiness, which I appreciate. I'm just not 100% sure what to do and I don't want to be dragging you along while I figure this out.’
At first I was ok with it. No big deal. I thought it was somewhat sweet and honest. A little disappointing but not the end of the world. Fish in the sea and such. It was about three days later I started looking at the other side of the coin and asking questions and coming to conclusions, well maybe only theories. “Was this a dear john letter? A really good blow off, is this “time-out” his excuse to see someone else?” and on and on and on. I got angry thinking I had just been ultimately played a fool again and if that is the case then OMG I am ‘16 going on 17’ only plus ten. I am too old for this. I am tired of all this willy nilly running around, game playing. In the end I suppose you can’t spell manipulative without a man. Knowing this and being smart enough to know my own worth, here I have been for two weeks sitting around hiding out, hoping I can put my doubt in faith and he was sincere. What Is it about this guy that I already know I will give him another chance again if he comes around. I’ll say it again “give up the ghost” Rachel.
Xo
Rachel
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
The FU in FUN
I worry these days that I have too much time on my hands, far to0 much time to think and overthink and create paradox out of nothing. Still without cable, missing my TMZ, Chelsea Lately, ANTM. Not that I am a big TV person, but its nice to have it in the background, you know, like a fill-in boyfriend. Sometimes it’s just nice to have the company. Alas I am still broke from well… everything. Being stupid more than anything I suppose. So no T.V. or social life for me.
Last Saturday, I was waiting for Derrick at a table outside Higher Grounds in Kensington, our second meeting for coffee since Global Fest. Yes, I gave in. He is cute and growing on me. Besides it’s still just having fun. Nothing serious I remind myself. Reading through this months vogue; once again a large heavy weight issue: “584 pages of Stylish Steals and Smart Splurges” See! Even Vogue supports my new lifestyle. Even though 524 of those pages in vogues world of what constitutes a ‘Stylish Steal’ were still beyond what I could afford. The joy of perusing through the beautifully executed, exquisite ads of fall 09 visions is one of the main reasons I subscribe. This issue in Anna’s letter from the editor she touched on something vaguely, it was probably as close to the idea of thriftiness she has ever touched, but none the less she is trying to show some sympathy for girls like me while at the same time defend an industry that can come under so much ridicule. “ Fashion is so often presented in the culture as a thing of froth, which , of course it partly is...Frivolity must have its foundations”
Her phrasing caused me to think over my coffee. Current times seem to dictate, fashion or shopping is one of the first things people will cut from their budget or sacrifice. Why? Is it because we overspend so? Well yes obviously. Also, we have spent so much time shopping frivolously without that foundation. We will spend time and money in a mall but shake it off as a chore instead of looking at it as an experience to be enjoyed. Now with our purse strings tightened do we realize what we have taken for granted. Further more, here comes the paradox, Is it fair that I hold myself to irrational standards of the past, based on a name or label? Even if I don’t how do I sacrifice without actually sacrificing? Whether I spend 20, 200, or 2000 during an excursion can shopping still be an experience without experiencing the bank balance at the end of the day?
Tuning back into reality and pulling my wits about me, unsure if I had been gazing into the ether for the last 10 seconds or ten minutes Derrick showed up. I turned slightly out from the table, pulled a Sharon Stone leg cross in my BCBG peasant dress and Grey Suede ankle boots (40.00 bucks from my last shopping trip.) With the sun coming out from the clouds I reach across and grab my channel sunglasses. He sits and I analyze him head to toe behind the privacy of my glasses: Shoes: good, Watch: nice, hair: well coiffed. Then he pulled a trump card. Last time we met for drinks at the metropolitan grill we were talking about our week, I mentioned to him that me and the girls had gone shopping at Deerfoot Mall. “Isn’t that kind of a ghetto mall?” Was his response. Well to make a long story short, I was a little insulted that the term ‘ghetto’ be applied to somewhere I shopped. I went a bit on the defensive and pointed out all the reasons why it wasn’t ghetto, how I don’t have to leave the city, that it’s certainly not the same mall his mom used to shop at, as he had mentioned, but I digress. So after coming back from getting himself a coffee, Derrick sat down and played his trump card: He handed me a little white envelope with a gift card to Deerfoot Mall inside. We both laughed. It was thoughtful and definatly won him some brownie points. Damn. You know what this means don’t you? I’ve lost the upper hand. What occurred this past week is the exact reason I hate losing the upper hand.
So That was our second ‘date’ for lack of a better word, our second fantastic ‘date’ mind you. The following day I left him a voicemail to see if he wanted to join me at the mall to help use my gift card. I ended up going alone, never heard from Derrick at all one way or the other that day, or the next or the next. It wasn’t until Wednesday at work that I finally received a e-mail from him. He made no mention of the voicemail, no apology for not getting back to me or anything. Just business as usual. I let it slide and replied to his email on Thursday inquiring to his plans for the weekend. That was Thursday. Now once again I am at Higher Grounds on a Sunday. However, this time not waiting for anyone. Hmmmm lets see two great dates and two ignored attempts at communication- GAME-! So about twenty minutes ago, after rolling the subject around my brain and getting a little annoyed about it, I texted (yes texted) “Okay I get the hint good luck with things.” Immediately I get a response! “Hey I just got home. You’re so dramatic!” at first I was insulted by the comment. I’m sorry if expecting a response from someone is dramatic but I think it’s the decent thing to do when someone tries to contact you. Now I wonder, was I really being dramatic? Was I just over reacting? If all we were doing is having fun with no expectations then what with all this guilt? Maybe I was wrong and just took the fun out of it. At record speed I might add. Do girls really just want to have fun? Rubbish! Well either way, what now?
XO Rachel
Last Saturday, I was waiting for Derrick at a table outside Higher Grounds in Kensington, our second meeting for coffee since Global Fest. Yes, I gave in. He is cute and growing on me. Besides it’s still just having fun. Nothing serious I remind myself. Reading through this months vogue; once again a large heavy weight issue: “584 pages of Stylish Steals and Smart Splurges” See! Even Vogue supports my new lifestyle. Even though 524 of those pages in vogues world of what constitutes a ‘Stylish Steal’ were still beyond what I could afford. The joy of perusing through the beautifully executed, exquisite ads of fall 09 visions is one of the main reasons I subscribe. This issue in Anna’s letter from the editor she touched on something vaguely, it was probably as close to the idea of thriftiness she has ever touched, but none the less she is trying to show some sympathy for girls like me while at the same time defend an industry that can come under so much ridicule. “ Fashion is so often presented in the culture as a thing of froth, which , of course it partly is...Frivolity must have its foundations”
Her phrasing caused me to think over my coffee. Current times seem to dictate, fashion or shopping is one of the first things people will cut from their budget or sacrifice. Why? Is it because we overspend so? Well yes obviously. Also, we have spent so much time shopping frivolously without that foundation. We will spend time and money in a mall but shake it off as a chore instead of looking at it as an experience to be enjoyed. Now with our purse strings tightened do we realize what we have taken for granted. Further more, here comes the paradox, Is it fair that I hold myself to irrational standards of the past, based on a name or label? Even if I don’t how do I sacrifice without actually sacrificing? Whether I spend 20, 200, or 2000 during an excursion can shopping still be an experience without experiencing the bank balance at the end of the day?
Tuning back into reality and pulling my wits about me, unsure if I had been gazing into the ether for the last 10 seconds or ten minutes Derrick showed up. I turned slightly out from the table, pulled a Sharon Stone leg cross in my BCBG peasant dress and Grey Suede ankle boots (40.00 bucks from my last shopping trip.) With the sun coming out from the clouds I reach across and grab my channel sunglasses. He sits and I analyze him head to toe behind the privacy of my glasses: Shoes: good, Watch: nice, hair: well coiffed. Then he pulled a trump card. Last time we met for drinks at the metropolitan grill we were talking about our week, I mentioned to him that me and the girls had gone shopping at Deerfoot Mall. “Isn’t that kind of a ghetto mall?” Was his response. Well to make a long story short, I was a little insulted that the term ‘ghetto’ be applied to somewhere I shopped. I went a bit on the defensive and pointed out all the reasons why it wasn’t ghetto, how I don’t have to leave the city, that it’s certainly not the same mall his mom used to shop at, as he had mentioned, but I digress. So after coming back from getting himself a coffee, Derrick sat down and played his trump card: He handed me a little white envelope with a gift card to Deerfoot Mall inside. We both laughed. It was thoughtful and definatly won him some brownie points. Damn. You know what this means don’t you? I’ve lost the upper hand. What occurred this past week is the exact reason I hate losing the upper hand.
So That was our second ‘date’ for lack of a better word, our second fantastic ‘date’ mind you. The following day I left him a voicemail to see if he wanted to join me at the mall to help use my gift card. I ended up going alone, never heard from Derrick at all one way or the other that day, or the next or the next. It wasn’t until Wednesday at work that I finally received a e-mail from him. He made no mention of the voicemail, no apology for not getting back to me or anything. Just business as usual. I let it slide and replied to his email on Thursday inquiring to his plans for the weekend. That was Thursday. Now once again I am at Higher Grounds on a Sunday. However, this time not waiting for anyone. Hmmmm lets see two great dates and two ignored attempts at communication- GAME-! So about twenty minutes ago, after rolling the subject around my brain and getting a little annoyed about it, I texted (yes texted) “Okay I get the hint good luck with things.” Immediately I get a response! “Hey I just got home. You’re so dramatic!” at first I was insulted by the comment. I’m sorry if expecting a response from someone is dramatic but I think it’s the decent thing to do when someone tries to contact you. Now I wonder, was I really being dramatic? Was I just over reacting? If all we were doing is having fun with no expectations then what with all this guilt? Maybe I was wrong and just took the fun out of it. At record speed I might add. Do girls really just want to have fun? Rubbish! Well either way, what now?
XO Rachel
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